Former Democratic Rep. Eric Massa’s bizarre explanations for his departure from Congress have been an endless source of entertainment this week. Any conspiracy involving health care reform, nude Rahm Emanuel, tickle fights, and Navy rituals likened to Caligula is just too good to be true. But what I love most is that because Massa first claimed the extent of his inappropriate behavior was grabbing a male staffer and saying “What I really ought to be doing is frakking you,” the sci-fi show Battlestar Galactica’s fictional profanity is now being used on the nightly news.*
For those of you who are confused, here’s BSG in a nutshell: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, robotic slaves called Cylons rebelled and nearly obliterated humanity. The few thousand surviving humans banded together to find and settle on Earth while evading the Cylons, who had planted sleeper agents that looked just like humans throughout the fleet. What ensued was a lot of space dogfights, a lot of paranoid people shrieking, “I am not a Cylon!” and a lot of angry people shouting “Frak!”, a swear word the original series made up to get around FCC standards.
All of which is to say that once again, the mainstream media is failing to ask the important question: Is Eric Massa a Cylon?
After the jump, a helpful guide on how to talk like Congressman Massa. Jump!
* All other news organizations have been spelling it ‘frack’, which any true nerd will tell you is incorrect. It may be time to update the Fake AP Stylebook.